Untitled.

Recently I have had what I've come to know and love as a 'Rosie Special Melt Down' these can happen over anything that I really cherish in my life, if I start to feel I'm losing something or something is going wrong and I'm scared, then I will have one of these. I have absolutely no control over them, but literally all hell breaks lose within my mind and my body. 

I've come to know it in stages. 

- Bad thing happens. 

- Cry. 

- Get angry. 

- Cry again and apologise to whoever had to face me during the previous stage. 

- Imagine the worst case scenario for what has happened. 

- Convince myself that aforementioned imaginary worst case scenario will happen. 

- Cry. (I'm a big believer in crying.)

- Turn off my phone. 

- Wait it out. (and probably cry again, let's be real.) 

The main one on that list that I wanted to talk about is the phone one. I am one of those people who sometimes needs a break in communication. I am an obsessive phone checker, hence why I have to force the break. I also have an obsessive need to make things right. And I have been known in the past to just continuously text or call someone until they will speak to me (FYI, don't do that, it very rarely helps your case.) unfortunately in doing this step, you do miss out on things that have been sent to you. Sometimes that's a good thing and sometimes that's a bad thing. You might miss out on the situation resolving for longer than you needed to, or you might end up making yourself feel worse if you're constantly checking and checking for something to happen and nothing does. It's a double edged sword. 

There is also the fact that approximately 99.9% (I made that up. That is obviously not a genuine statistic) of people will not believe that your phone was genuinely turned off, and you weren't just ignoring them or being childish. Most people will think a young adult can barely go 10 seconds without looking at their phones, which is sometimes true. Phones are used for everything these days. As your address book, your notebook, your camera, your link to social media, your calculator etc. People find it hard to believe I can turn my phone off like I can for days on end. I am fortunate enough to own an iPad as well, which I can use in place of my phone. So essentially I still have access to the same apps and social media etc but not from my phone. So quite often I'll post on Twitter or Facebook while my phone is turned off and people will say 'well how did you post if your phone was turned off?' And they will not believe me. But believe me, it was genuinely turned off. Eventually when I turn it on I will say that I had it off and apologise and hope it's all going to start to work out. 

All my previous counsellors, and these days the friends I have, have told me when these things happen I just have to do what I need to do to get through it. Sometimes cutting myself off is one of those things I have to do to cope. I'm still continuing to get closer to getting help for my mind soon, and hopefully I'll learn more and more coping mechanisms and eventually maybe even be able to say the thoughts I write in this blog out loud to people.